Inside Look at my Single Mom Life - Kinda...

I go through phases where I get to thinking about my life... How did I get here? Well, if you want to know, you can read on, so just a warning, this may get messy. :) My life has taken some quite interesting turns, but the most recent ones seem to be the most dramatic and the most life changing. I am so blessed to be where I am - the support that I have from my family and friends is more than I could ask for. They could have simply pushed me aside with the choices that I have made, but they chose to stay. Without them, I don't think I would've made it! God gives us some interesting choices in life, and I look back wondering why this plan was laid out for me and why I chose to take this path. Some things may be beyond my control, but ultimately, the choices that I made were all mine. I've always believed that every thing happens for a reason - although I still haven't figured a lot of them out! I was blessed with the most beautiful child, and why I deserved it, I'm still not sure.

For those of you who don't know my situation, here's a little insight, I guess. I had been off at college for 5 years - playing softball and working on my math degree - moving home a year ago after I graduated because I became pregnant from a guy I had been dating from school out in Indiana. I was done playing softball and I guess I was looking for "the one." No such luck. He wasn't it. So I continue to look. So far, Jorel's dad hasn't been involved at all - sometimes making promises that he can't seem to keep, even just a phone call... but anyway, I'm done holding on. Not that I thought we would have a relationship or anything because I don't want one with him, but giving him the opportunity to be a dad is quickly fading away. Whoever is willing to take me on along with this awesome kid of mine - is worth keeping around and I know whoever it is will be willing to be Jorel's dad for the long haul. I know it may be an awkward situation, but hopefully worth working through. Jorel's grandparents out in Indiana have been involved and have been wonderful! Along with his aunt in Texas - he has a couple of cousins out there as well. They've all been a great support and someone else to turn to if need be. I hope that Jorel can meet them soon.

After moving home I went through a point where I had to really sit back and take a look at where my life was taking me. Going through moments of soul searching and even pity parties for myself - What would I do? I knew my life was about to change drastically and I was terrified. First of all I was scared to give birth - ouchies! But that was really the least of my worries... My life would never be the same! I tried to take one day at a time and was on my knees a lot hoping to get the answers to some questions. I think some answers are still on their way, but a lot of my decisions this far weren't made lightly and needed some extra assurance. Praying for strength to make the right ones found me really turning to God for help. He really helped me through. He has blessed my life more than I know, and I thank Him for that.

I think the hardest part of all of this was the fact that I had let my standards slip out from under me. I made promises to myself when I was young that things like this wouldn't happen. But, as my friend would say - Life happened. And that it did! It was a process to accept who I had become because it wasn't where I had planned to be in my life. However, I wouldn't change a thing. With the lessons that I have learned and the places I have been and the places I'm still going to go - I have no regrets. I now know that I am an even stronger person than I used to be and that I can accomplish anything that I have my mind set on. My step-dad, along with the rest of my family helped to remind me a lot that I'm not damaged goods and I still deserve the best. Thanks Ron. And with this kid, how could I even think so? :) Even with the twists and turns that life has thrown at me and the ones that are still to come, I'm still trucking a long. Sorry to those who made it through this spill, but thanks for listening... Life throws us some curve balls, we just need to learn how to hit them.