Thursday, April 30, 2009

a [little] change

Hello all! I've changed my e-mail for this account from to so those of you who have private blogs - if you could add kanugent10[at]gmail[dot]com to your list it would greatly appreciated!!!!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

sometimes i feel like i may just [explode]

So 2/3 of the time in the last month and a half, I've been busy - school, softball, the kid, etc - the other third I've probably been sulking in my own self pity and being lazy. Just warning that this post may be a little long and honest for some of you... My attitude has definitely gone through some ups and downs, but we all go through that, right? I had a great realization of how much anger I've been carrying around with me when I had a fight with my mom. Now this doesn't happen very often at all, but I'll fill you in on what provoked it: at the end of March, for the first time in Jorel's life his "sperm donor" - cause I don't feel that he's worthy of being called his dad - came to see him, we'll just call him T for this post. Jorel is 18 months old now - what a milestone! - and at this point in time, we are very content at how things are going, we definitely don't need this guy around - but for Jorel's sake, I thought it might be good for him to be able to at least know who T is. You kind of go through phases, I did anyway, where I was so mad at first that he wasn't doing anything and that he continued to lie all the time to me and then it reaches now where he wants to do something and that pisses me off almost more because its like, what the hell happened before? Anyway, the visit went just fine, even though I hated every moment of it, but Jorel, being the easy going kid that he is, took to T just fine. He stayed for about 4 days and spent maybe 4 hours a day with the kid. Nothing got figured out and nothing important was talked about and so here we are, nothings different except he's actually met Jorel.

About a week after the visit I had the break down - I don't think I have ever cried that hard in my life. Something really little and stupid set it off, but I just think that it was time that I just let it all out - and sorry, mom, that you were at the other end and thanks for being so supportive. A lot came up in our somewhat conversation and it did feel good to get it off my chest - even though I still feel a bit stuck, but anyway. So maybe that explains my blogging dilemma... but here I am!

So what else? I actually got out of the house a couple of times and did something! Good for me... I got the chance to meet up with an old friend from college - we were teammates in Nebraska and its been at least 4 years since we've seen each other! She just so happened to have extra tickets to the Marlins - Rockies game in Vegas so I was totally there! I was calling extra innings but the Rockies ended up taking it in the bottom of the 9th with a walk-off homer. I didn't really care who won so it was fun anyway. It was really good to catch up and gossip about people we new at WNCC. Fun stuff...

I got to go 4-wheeling with Tyler, Jena, and Derek the Friday before Easter out at Babylon and found out that somebody there loves me :)

Easter weekend was nice and relaxing and Jorel was being as cutie as ever. He thinks that anything that is somewhat round is a ball and is for throwing, hence the reason we then had little plastic eggs thrown and hit all over the house.

My sister also sent out the pics that she took on her visit and they turned out SOOO good! She brought out both our best features... but besides the usual school and the goofy softball girls, I don't think that anything else really went on so here are just a few pics of my 1 1/2 year old!! Check out the curls and I'll tell you what this kid loves is popcorn!