Friday, March 29, 2013


this was definitely not the reason i wanted to go to missouri.  neither did any of us.  my mom, ron and little brothers were able to leave the 16th - the day of - to try and get out there as soon as they could.  there wasn't enough room for jorel and i to hop in and go, so we waited until later in the week to ride with my sister and her family.  what a stinking rough week that was.  sitting around and waiting for the information and knowing that we couldn't be there to help or be a shoulder to cry on.  and the waiting.... oh man.  i made mike stay with me because i really didn't want to be alone.  he was a trooper and such a big support. he drove me down to kingman to meet my family for our forever long drive to missouri.  there were moments when you forgot why you were going and then you feel guilty for having a good time.  it's a really weird feeling to go through these emotions.  as we got closer to missouri, the pits in our stomachs were a little bigger and our hearts a little heavier.  we got there thursday night and the memorial service was the next day on the 22nd.  there were over 500 people at the service.  it was pretty incredible.  this kid was pretty amazing.  it was nice to hear all of the great things about him, but at the same time, you're left feeling almost more confused then before.  it was one of the hardest things a lot of us have had to face and to know that your biggest fear has come true is something hard to live with.  i know my brother is really strong and he and his wife will make it through this.

there is a website created in his honor at .  please visit to know more about luke and if you can donate, that would be nice also.  the proceeds are going towards anti-bullying causes and worth the money.  please take a minute to at least get to know who this child was.  


Sunday, March 17, 2013

getting outside

we like to spend as much time outside in the nice weather as possible.  mike's brother was celebrating a birthday and it just so happened that it was a perfect time to fly kites.  we were going to do it the day before, but with the tragic news, it just didn't seem fun.  it really didn't seem fun the next day either, but the kids didn't really understand the circumstances and it would be unfair to them to make them wallow in the same sorrow that i was feeling.  the world should have stopped to allow us to overcome the horrible loss that we must now face everyday.  but we can't sit like that and it was better to stay busy anyway.  sometimes we just need to put on a good face even if we are hurting that much inside.  anyway.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

the saddest day.

my heart is heavy today as i found out that my nephew in missouri decided to take his own life.  i hurt for my brother and his wife and the pain that they must be going through.  luke, a 14 year old boy, is an amazing young man and the world is going to suffer without a brilliant mind like that around.  i really don't have much else to say right now.  it's a really sad  day.

Friday, March 15, 2013

sac town

this was a last minute trip for me.  my sister and mom were planning to take some time to go visit my aunt in sacramento.  i wasn't going to go, but i couldn't bare the thoughts, so the day before they left i decided i needed to go.  she has cancer and has been battling it for a while.  we felt like it had been long enough since we had seen her anyway and didn't want to miss an opportunity to spend some time with her.  she was in really good spirits and my cousin said that she was just so excited for us to come.  there were some tears shed when we saw her, but it was such a much needed time.   she has always been one of the most loving and fun aunts there is around.  i still have a raggedy anne doll that she made me when i was 8 sitting on my bed.  during family reunions she always came up with the best ideas for the kids.  it's sad to know that she has to fight this battle.  she is an amazing woman.  
while we were there for the quick trip - mom and i spent 26 hours in the car driving back and forth - we did get to see old sac town and spend quality time together.  i'm sad it went by so fast, but it made us want to do it again.  we need a family reunion!